How Not to Make a Hash of Life’s Most Important Decisions

Written by Sosunmolu Shoyinka, MD, MBA

The world we live in has become vastly more complicated over the past 2 decades. An excess of information, the buzz of media (social and otherwise), increasing social isolation, choice overload, fear of missing out, the breakneck pace of modern life and incessant marketing that appeals to our senses (including our sense of entitlement) combine to overload our minds. These factors make the type of deliberate, intentional, and critical reasoning required for optimal decision-making difficult, if not impossible.

Additionally, we tend not to be too smart earlier in life. Our brains do not fully develop until our mid-twenties. By this time, many critical choices that affect the rest of our lives have been made and have begun to bear fruit – consequences that we will often have to live with for a long time.

So, how not to make poor life decisions?

1. Put first things first; with some things, you may have a 2nd chance. With others, it is less likely. Oftentimes, we treat crucial things like health or important relationships as optional early in life. These things will suffer if we fail to tend them and are difficult to regain when lost.

2. Learn to tune out the noise – internal and external. Do as much research as possible and make decisions based on information, not emotion or short-term goals.

3. Be flexible; there are often many ways to reach your goals without compromising on those things that are most important.

4. Learn to talk less and listen well – including to what is unsaid.

5. Trust your instincts and dig for answers until you are satisfied. Do not let “experts” talk you out of your concerns. They will not have to live with the consequences of your decisions.

6. Listen to the instincts of those in the foxhole with you.

7. Surround yourself with the right people; we become like the people we associate with the most. We tend to absorb their views, habits, values etc. We all need people who can provide us candid, dispassionate feedback. And the right kind of peer pressure can push us in the right direction and help rein in our negative impulses.

8. Do not procrastinate. You will have to do those unpleasant tasks anyway so you might as well get them out of the way quickly.

9. Fail Forward and keep learning; sometimes, our most important lessons come from the most painful experiences.

10. Be ready and willing to begin again – sometimes we must do this many times or in many different areas to get to where we need to be.

11. Do not give up hope; even when you mess up, there is still a way forward. You just must keep going and work things out as best you can.

12. Ask your 20-year older self what advice he/she would give you today. If you cannot imagine that, ask someone whose lifestyle you find worthy of emulation. That advice is highly likely to be uncomfortable or challenging (e.g. lose weight, save more, work less, invest in relationships etc.). Take it anyway; the difference between what we genuinely want and what we have is the amount of discomfort we are willing to undergo today.